saturday - rearranged

originally i had a date with a friend to go bra shopping at this cute little boutigue. then something came up on her end and we needed to reschedule. honestly i just wanted to stay home and after the stressful lunch of yesterday with coworkers, i began to think that maybe taking a day to myself was not such a bad thing. and to that the threat of bad weather (always taken seriously here in Buffalo) and an empty bank account i had rationalized my hermatige quite well.

she called me today and woke me up... i was still asleep at 10:30 ... that never happens, plus i had the weirdest dream about bear costumes at a wedding... anyway... doll and i talked and i was honest with her. she is one of the few i feel safe with... i mean completely safe on an emotional level... she has been through so much herself that she is done with drama... so with no motive and an open heart she is always there for me... that is why i call her my doll.

i met her this past year and we quickly became very close. so it was easy to be honest with her. she didnt know i have an ED. that made me realize... when i am working on managing my ED i tell people i trust. when i give in to the beast and deny it... i dont tell anyone. that gave me concern about this blog. if i slip off the wagon again will i stop blogging out of shame? hopefully not. and now that i will be seeing a counselor again i am hoping this blog can be a journaling tool i use in therapy. last time they always wanted me to journal and i never did.... now i am journaling before they even ask me... lol... guess i am a bit contrary.

hubby works on saturdays so i am home alone all day. and that is just what i need to day. our house was built in 1900. three bedrooms upstairs. there is the master bedroom, the guest room, and my studio. i love to sew and my hobbies are numerous enough to warrent their own room. my studio is also my dressing room. it holds my closet, mirrior, dresser and jewelry box. it is a space all my own to be creative and pretty. it is a total mess.

doesnt that say it all? the one room of the house that is all mine i neglect horribly. there are clothes waiting to be put away on the work table, obscuring the sewing machine. projects are backing up because i cant even get around the table to work. you cant see the top of the dresser due to jewelry and stuff... it is a dissaster. what is meant to be a place of beauty and creativity is an ucky chaotic mess.

well today i am taking it back... i am aware i might not get through all the mess today and that is okay... i will do the best i can. armed with garbage bags and totes... i am going to go through it all and purge baby purge. lol. most of the clothes either dont fit or were gifts from my mother that i cant stand. and the craft and sewing projects just need to be organized and finished. hubby took care of the downstairs chores yesterday after he got home from work while i was at the grocery store. it was a long day but i came home to a clean first floor. so i have no excuses.

i am taking today for me. working on my sewing projects makes me so happy. i need that kind of stress relief now more than ever. so i am gonna focus on my studio and in extention myself.