"I weighed 290 pounds when I joined OA."

... that is how it is gonna start... my story anyway... years from now... what comes next i am not sure but very excited to find out....

... i went to my first Overeaters Anon. meeting on saturday... "Hi, my name is 'Alice' and i am a compulsive overeater."... it was amazing... i was amazed at a couple things... the first was that i wasnt alone... the second was how welcoming everyone was. I shared my story about my friend passing away and the support i felt from total strangers was incredible.

saturday will probably be the meeting i go to most often, and when i cant make saturday, i will go to one on wednesday.

i get it, the literature, the program, the steps, food plan, sponsorship... it all makes a great deal of sense to me.

so far today i have been able to abstain from using food. i had a moderate, breakfast and lunch with no snacking in between. 3pm is the hardest for me, i am so used to going to the vending machine. i reminded myself that is just habit. i pulled some OA literature out of my bag at 3pm and read that instead. it's not like my stomache was growling or anything like that. it was just habit. the self talk and literature worked... here it is 1/2 hour left of work and so far no slip ups.

i have to stop at the grocery store and get something for dinner, so i have been contemplating what to get.... however i dont think i have been obsessing. i am very tired. so post dinner snacking probably wont happen... that is one thing about me.... i will always choose sleep over food.

this weekend was the first time i have been genuinely happy in a very long time. i think the reason for that is that going to that OA meeting restored in me a sense of HOPE. that has been missing for a very very long time. i was presented with a program and support system that gives me hope and the tools i need to 'live life between meals'.