little sensitive

okay, so now that i am 'off food' i am a little sensitive. by that i mean since i am making a effort to eat right, just enough, and only when i am hungry... all the sedated emotions are coming to the front. i kno that i use food to dull these emotions, and now that i am trying only to use it for nourishment ... i say i am stressed. when in reality... these thoughts and emotions were always there... i just used food like a drug to dull them down to be easier to deal with. now they come flooding back like bright lights in the darkness... and i am blinded.

i went to lunch with a friend and coworker and barely got through the social portion of the event. i got a half veggie burger sub on whole wheat with lettuce tomato and onions, with pepper jack cheese, lowfat mayo, and mustard. as a side i grabbed an orange and a diet coke. so i did fine with the food choice. it was the conversation i couldnt handle.

i was overly sensitive at statements made and in general just felt everything a bit more deeply. i couldnt wait till it was over and i could return to my office. i texted hubby saying i needed a hug. he texted me back saying he would have lots of hugs ready for me when i got home. he is such a sweetheart.

this is the part i hate. the part where i feel wounded. it's like i just stood up from the therapist's couch all day everyday. does this ever go away? i have lost weight before. that didnt make it go away... i felt wounded and crazy. i need to replace food as a coping mechanism with something else... but what? until i figure that out, i guess i will wear my heart on my sleeve and pray it stays safe.